During this Christmas season, holiday parties, work meetings, family gatherings, school plays, and shopping lists (or recently in our house, seasonal illnesses) all threaten to crowd our already over-crowded lives and drown out the wonder of the season. Rather than add to your to-do list, I invite you to slow down with me and ponder the incarnation. In recent years, no one has helped me enter into worshipful contemplation of “God-made-man” more than a certain ancient Egyptian. Now, before you close the tab in anticipated boredom, allow me to introduce Athanasius and his classic work, On the Incarnation. 

Why care about reading theology from seventeen hundred years ago? Honestly, I can’t make a better case for reading old books than C.S. Lewis makes in his introduction to On the Incarnation. But, I will echo Lewis and say that reflecting on the works of saints from another time illuminates and enriches our own faith and practice. In my first time reading Athanasius, I was surprised by his simplicity and challenged by his depth. He uses reason and evidence to argue for the reliability of the biblical account of the incarnation. However, beyond mere argument, Athanasius also invites us to bear witness to the Word who became flesh. This has been my favorite advent devotional for the past several years. Pick up your own copy and, with ten or fifteen minutes of thoughtful reading a day, you could easily finish by Christmas Eve! Let me help you get started. 

Much like the Gospel of John (1:1-3), Athanasius begins his work by returning to creation. The Father “effect[s] the salvation of the world through the same Word Who made it in the beginning.”1 Here, Athanasius illuminates the beauty of the biblical story by connecting creation with re-creation. Mankind must be remade in the image of the Creator, a transformation that only the Creator can accomplish. Jesus, who was present at the creation of all things, is able to recreate all things through his incarnation. Athanasius describes this unique qualification: “For He alone, being Word of the Father and above all, was in consequence both able to recreate all, and worthy to suffer on behalf of all and be an ambassador for all with the Father.”2 But why would God so identify with his creation as to suffer on our behalf? Athanasius explains: “He has been manifested in a human body for this reason only, out of the love and goodness of His Father, for the salvation of us men.”3 Love. God became man out of love for us! Athanasius offers an illustration:

You know what happens when a portrait that has been painted on a panel becomes obliterated through external stains. The artist does not throw away the panel, but the subject of the portrait has to come and sit for it again, and then the likeness is re-drawn on the same material. Even so was it with the All-holy Son of God. He, the Image of the Father, came and dwelt in our midst, in order that He might renew mankind made after Himself, and seek out His lost sheep, even as He says in the Gospel: "I came to seek and to save that which was lost." This also explains His saying to the Jews: "Except a man be born anew…” He was not referring to a man's natural birth from his mother, as they thought, but to the re-birth and re-creation of the soul in the Image of God.4

God himself “sat again” so that we might be remade in his image. On the Incarnation is full of such helpful examples, awaiting those who are willing to embark with Athanasius into the wonder of the incarnation.

Alongside his arguments from reason, Athanasius also includes evidence from the testimony of others, particularly the martyrs of his own time. Their testimony, he argues, bears witness to the reality of Jesus’ incarnation in a way reason alone cannot (This avoids one of the dangers of theological reflection: that it might build up our minds and inflate our egos without leading to the healthy fruit of a deeper love for God and others). What else would cause pagans to abandon their idols in worship of the one true God? Or cause young men and women to take vows of chastity? Or lead to men, women, and children boldly embracing death, without fear, out of reverence for Christ? In reflecting on these testimonies, I wonder how pondering the work of God in our own lives might orient us towards a greater delight in God and concern for others.

As you reflect on the story of God’s dwelling among us, reflect on your own story. What characterized your life before you met Jesus? Fear? Anxiety? Addiction? Self-ambition? How did you meet Jesus, and how did he encounter your need? How has Jesus and the work of the Spirit brought transformation in your life? How are you different because of him? How has he been working in your heart and life lately?

I’d challenge you to spend some time reflecting on these questions before the Lord. Discuss them with your family and close friends. At a party or family gathering over the next few weeks, ask someone about their story. What do they believe about the significance of this season? Do they have any hopes or desires for the new year? What challenges or difficulties are they experiencing? What are they doing to remedy them? By reflecting on the story of Christ and your own story, you can be better prepared to engage other’s stories with the hope and beauty of the gospel. Use your own story to tell the story of Jesus, joining the chorus of saints who sing, “Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing! O come, let us adore him, Christ, the Lord!”5 And invite your neighbor to do the same. 

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year…filled with decorations, cookies, presents, music, and all the Christmas cheer. As a dad who is trying to lead my family well through the holiday season, I am trying to help my children think rightly about Christmas.

[Enter Santa Claus.]

Well, my children have now outgrown their child-like belief in the jolly big guy, but we still enjoy singing fun carols and watching Christmas movies with appearances by St. Nick (check out Hunter’s solid endorsement of a personal favorite Ernest Saves Christmas). But when our kids were younger, Lauren and I struggled with what to do about Santa Claus. Should we fully embrace him, totally reject him, or find a happy medium? To some, it seems that the modern Santa Claus, who is much different from Saint Nicholas of church history, represents the consumerist and materialistic problems that plague the Christmas season and holiday. The most wonderful time of the year can easily become the most stressful time as desires become demands and usurp the throne of our hearts.

James, writing to Christians in the first century, asks a related question about the origin of sin:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions (4:1-3).

Why is our culture so materialistic? Why do my children have a Christmas list that’s a mile long? Why do I have a Christmas list that’s a mile long? James seems to be saying that our hearts are the source of our competing desires, envy, and covetousness. Ouch! I thought it was Santa’s fault, not my own heart’s sin struggle.

[Enter Jesus.]

Christmas is a season where we celebrate the incarnation of our Savior, which is “good news of great joy” (Luke 2:10b). Jesus came to live and walk among us. The good news is that Jesus came not only to save us but also to give us a new heart. And he left the Holy Spirit with us to root out sin that so easily entangles and to wage war against the remaining sin housed deep within. The Gospel is our only hope in fighting discontentment, materialism, selfishness, enviousness, and all the other sins that rear their ugly heads around Christmas time.

Randy Alcorn offers sound advice for approaching this Christmas season:

Can we change the pattern of materialism in our homes? Certainly. Take Christmas, for example. We can buy far less. We can hand make presents, set a budget, and buy presents in advance to avoid the unnerving jostling through stores. Any change is good if it helps us to focus on Christ rather than ourselves. We can visit shut-ins or take food to the needy – to focus on giving rather than receiving….But even if you still exchange presents, you can make Christmas different. Don’t be victimized by the world’s materialism. Worship Christ in simplicity.^[1]

During this Christmas, maybe we should be less worried about jolly-ole Saint Nick lurking in the chimney and more concerned with the war within our souls. Let’s help one another find the joy in Christmas, a joy centered on the One who taught and modeled that it really is better to give than receive. In turn, let’s model for our families and the world a glad and generous Christmas.

So, what about the Jolly Old Saint Nick? As a family, we decided to embrace the tradition…loosely. We enjoyed leaving cookies out for Santa (and I enjoyed eating those cookies!) and the Christmas morning surprise gifts, but they quickly found out about the make-believe tradition. The majority of our Christmas celebrations and preparations center on the Christ-Child and the nativity story. We have fond memories of Christmas Eve services with our church family, reading the Luke 2 narrative on Christmas morning, and working through our Jesse Tree advent devotional [And we also told our kids that if they told their Santa-believing-friends that he didn’t exist, they wouldn’t get any presents!] In a phrase, Light on Santa, Heavy on Jesus!

^[1] “Changing Christmas,” in Money, Possessions, and Eternity. (386-387)

There’s nothing like fixing a hot cup of cocoa, making some popcorn, and getting the whole family to squeeze onto the couch to watch a favorite movie. You are transported to magical and different worlds. You see things you will never get to see in your life. You escape from the troubles of the world for a short time. Now, combine this with one of the most wonderful seasons of the year, and it’s a perfect mix. Christmas is the best time to watch movies together, and these movies have some great stories.

Here is a list of my top 10 Christmas movies. I included some classics, but I also picked some surprises that you may not have thought about watching this Holiday season!

Muppets A Christmas Carol (1992, G)

Let’s start this list with a semi-classic! The Muppet Christmas Carol can be found on Disney Plus, and if you have not watched this one before, it’s a no-brainer. It stars Michael Caine as Ebenezer and is so much fun to watch with the whole family. It’s a nice twist from the normal Christmas Carol story.

Edward Scissor Hands (1990, PG-13)

Alright, so this one is a little bit odd! But it’s still is set during the Christmas season. Tim Burton’s Edward Scissor Hands is incredibly weird, like all great Time Burton films. Growing up, I really enjoyed this movie for its goofiness. You can find this one on Disney Plus, Hulu, and YouTube TV.

Little Women (2019, PG)

Now for something more emotional and classy. Little Women (2019), which has an all-star cast including Emma Watson, Timothée Chalamet, Florence Pugh, and Saoirse Ronan, tells a heartwarming and heartbreaking story about a poor family of women. And, it includes two Christmas scenes! You can watch Little Women on Hulu and SlingTV.

Illumination’s The Grinch (2018, PG)

Here is another twist on a great classic. Illumination’s The Grinch. This might be my favorite christmas movie of all time. Just ask my wife; we watch it every year, or at least I watch it every year. Pharrell Williams and Tyler the Creator do a great job with the music and narration. You can watch it on Peacock, Hulu, or YouTube TV.

Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe (2005, PG)

Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is a “kind of Christmas Movie.” It never specifically says the word Christmas, but (come on) Santa Claus shows up and there is snow throughout the entire movie. This is still a great movie to watch this holiday season, even if you wouldn’t consider it a Christmas movie. You can watch it on Disney Plus.

Klaus (2019, PG)

Watch a new and heartwarming origin story of Christmas! In the frozen north, a rebellious postman and a mysterious toymaker forge an unlikely friendship that will transform a cynical town and bring the spirit of Christmas to life. Not to mention this movie is beautifully hand-drawn. Watch Klaus on Netflix this year.

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988, PG)

In this hilarious holiday classic, Ernest P. Worrell (Jim Varney) accidentally destroys Santa's sleigh and must find him a new one in time for Christmas. Need I say much more? This was one of the staples of my childhood. You can watch it on Amazon Prime, Disney Plus, Hulu, and Paramount.

White Christmas (1954, PG)

Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye star in this classic holiday musical about two World War II veterans who reunite to put on a show at a Vermont inn. White Christmas is a wonderful must-watch classic this year with your family. You can watch this movie on Amazon Prime and SlingTV.

Elf… (2003, PG)

Could I do a top 10 Christmas movie list and not include Elf? I thought about it but was too afraid of the masses! If you haven’t seen what is arguably the most popular Christmas movie ever, then you probably should. You can watch Elf on Hulu, MAX, and Disney Plus.

Marvel’s Hawkeye (2021)

My last suggestion is actually a show. If you are a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then this one is for you. Marvel’s Hawkeye is a fun 8-episode series where Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) gets stuck in New York during the Christmas season while training a young protege (Hailee Steinfeld). You can watch it on Disney Plus.

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When I sat down to write about our traditions, it was tough. Not because I dislike traditions or because we don't have them in our family, but because our traditions differ greatly from my childhood. In some ways, that makes it difficult to recognize them as traditions. Okay, I think I've hit my word count for the word "tradition."

Growing up, we celebrated holidays with nearby family. Thanksgiving was at Grandma and Grandpa's house, with a big meal and lots of visiting. In December, we'd have a church program and party, which to me was the kickoff to the Christmas season. Then, Christmas Eve was another family gathering. The evening included the grandkids reading the story of the birth of Jesus from Luke 2 and a quiet time of reflection before we got wound up again. Christmas morning was always exciting, with presents and family time, followed by lunch at the other grandparents' house. The only addition to this annual routine was a Christmas dinner party at our house. These traditions were a regular part of my childhood, and I still remember them clearly.

Amanda and I married in 2007, welcomed our daughter in 2011, and our son in 2014. During our time together, we've been creating our own traditions, and for many reasons, they look very different from my childhood. To start, Amanda's family lives about 400 miles away, and mine lives 50 miles away. Gone were the days of seeing both sides of the family at one party or in one day. To accommodate both sides, we opted for a rotating holiday schedule: Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other, and vice versa the following year. This arrangement also posed the question of Christmas Eve and morning. Should we drive back home late on Christmas Eve, or stay where we are and celebrate Christmas morning with extended family? We ultimately chose to stay put, breaking tradition only once during the pandemic. While there are years when we would like to be home on Christmas morning, our family consensus is clear: spending time with loved ones, wherever we may be, is the most meaningful way to celebrate.

We've also established other annual traditions that we cherish. Most years, we head downtown to witness the tree lighting ceremony and watch our daughter dance. We also make time to watch our favorite Christmas movies, participate in Operation Christmas Child, and enjoy the various parties, choir performances, and Advent events at our church. Amidst the busyness of the season, it can feel overwhelming. However, reflecting back, we realize these moments have become cherished family traditions.

I think I've shared all this to say to young families that the traditions you start might not look like what you expected, and that's just fine. You now get to consider your family and what you are going to create together. As I was writing this and preparing for the Christmas season, I couldn't help but think about Mary and Joseph and how different their lives were after their baby boy was born. They were likely just settling into a routine, establishing their traditions, and dreaming of the future. Right up until Gabriel showed up. All the plans and dreams were forever changed, and isn't that exactly how life is? Right when you think you're figuring it out and in control, something happens, and that something, I believe, is not by chance.

When Gabriel came to Mary, we know she was young, a virgin, and betrothed to Joseph. Here she was trying to figure out life and make wedding plans, and in a moment, it's all turned upside down. But how does she respond? After some discernment and a question to Gabriel, we see this in Luke 1:38, "And Mary said, 'Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.' And the angel departed from her." (ESV) Within the time of a short conversation, Mary accepted her new calling from God and started a new path with new traditions. All this happened because: "For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (ESV).

God, help us to be a generation that responds like Mary. One that gladly accepts new ways and new traditions when they are from you. Help us to be okay with the potential temporary discomfort and loss of perceived control caused by your calling. Thank you, Father, for my family and the new traditions we've created together. I know my family is a gift from you and a calling for me to lead and care well for them. Most importantly, thank you for your son Jesus and your plan of salvation that brings peace in an unconventional and turbulent world. Amen.

From the fellas at On Living Well, we want to express our heart-felt gratitude for your support and readership of this Substack! OLW aims to help men love their families well while ambitiously pursuing their vocational calling. This has also become a place for us, as writers, to process the emotions of life, catalyze our thoughts about work and family, and express our creativity, all within a brotherhood of support and encouragement. Thank you for joining us on the journey.

We hope you have an amazing Thanksgiving!

Spencer, Chip, Brad, Carter, Sam, Ben, Hunter, and Jonathan

_________________

As you are preparing for Thanksgiving [packing, traveling, cooking, hosting, etc.], check out these 10 Questions to Ask at Your Thanksgiving Gathering [maybe tuck 2 or 3 in your back pocket…don’t be that guy who shows up with a list of questions!]

1. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food?

2. What’s the happiest Thanksgiving memory of your childhood?

3. What do you enjoy most about the Thanksgiving holiday?

4. Who is the most consistently grateful person you know?

5. What’s the one experience for which you are most thankful this year?

6. What’s the one book, article, or blog post for which you are most thankful this year?

7. What’s the one thing you’ve learned this year for which you are most thankful?

8. If you could thank one person today—near or far, living or dead—for their influence on your life, who would that person be?

9. Who’s one person you’ve never thanked for their contribution to your life, but would like to?

10. For what do you feel most grateful to God today?

With crisp mornings and early nights, we feel the change of season in our bones and heavy eyelids. These lengthening, darker days are punctuated by moments of celebration, which attempt to alert us to things of greatest importance. One such moment of celebration is the last Thursday of November, “A Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens,” as President Lincoln put it in his original 1863 proclamation. One reason we love the Thanksgiving holiday in my home is this focus on gratitude. My wife has sought to develop this with a tradition she started a few years ago. In early November, she crafts a simple turkey silhouette, and each evening we add a feather with something we are grateful for. We love decorating the turkey and hearing each other’s simple expressions of gratitude. But this practice has taken…well…practice.

We need the practice of gratitude to move beyond the forced, awkward exchange of happy platitudes we easily can fall into one day a year. This demands more than a mere revitalization of old Abe’s national holiday, but a revival of the heart. And this revival of the heart must be cultivated through habituated practices. 

From a very young age, I was taught by parents, teachers, and even the television that “please” and “thank you” are magic words. Now, as a parent myself, I see the need to teach my own children to be grateful. It’s not something that comes to us immediately or naturally. But what is gratitude? Is it as simple as just saying “thank you”? I think it’s more than this. To be grateful is to take notice of all we have been given, delight in it, and turn that delight into thanksgiving and praise. 

First, we need to take notice. The practice of gratitude begins with expanding our awareness. In the midst of our noisy, busy, crowded lives, gratitude invites us to slow down and pay attention. Every moment is a gift for those who have developed the posture to receive it. Secondly, gratitude invites us to delight. Have you ever been overwhelmed with wonder? Memories rush into my mind: visiting the ocean as a kid, snowboarding down a mountain in the winter, catching my first fish, eating my grandma’s chocolate chip pie, having a good drink, walking with my wife at sunset, experiencing the birth of each of our daughters. Call to mind the beauty and wonder of life under the sun and allow yourself to delight in all of these good gifts. Lastly, turn that delight into thanksgiving and praise. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “When you drink water, think of its source.” As we learn to notice and delight in all we have been given, we complete the practice of gratitude by offering thanksgiving and praise. Or as C.S. Lewis puts it in his Reflections on the Psalms, “We delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation.”1 God invites us to enjoy him through the practice of gratitude.

One of my favorite verses on gratitude is James 1:17. It says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (ESV). All of life is a gift from our Father and can be received with gratitude. When we come to know that God is good and that he gives good gifts to his children (Mt 7:11), even our suffering can become an avenue for thanksgiving. First Thessalonians 5:18 encourages us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (ESV). Gratitude has the experience-defying ability to cultivate glad hearts and joy even in suffering. But how do we do this, moment by moment, in every circumstance? 

For me, cultivating a grateful heart has centered around learning to pay attention. I am naturally melancholic and tend to struggle with despair. I am not naturally aware of God nor the many good gifts he offers every day, in every moment. A few years ago I was given a gratitude journal. The front cover read, “Attentiveness is the gateway to gratitude and gratitude is the gateway to transformation.” Within the following pages, it outlined simple daily practices for paying attention. One suggested practice was to reflect upon and note what you experience through each of your senses (hear, see, smell, taste, touch) each day. Another practice was to list one good, one true, and one beautiful thing you experience each day. I have since made it a practice to begin every day by considering, delighting in, and giving praise for God’s good gifts. I record these reflections in a small paper journal. Whatever your practice (and it will take practice), the benefit of physically recording your gratitude is that you will be able to look back on the many ways God has been present. 

In a season where you may or may not feel naturally inclined towards thanksgiving, I would encourage you to begin paying attention. Gratitude is more than an isolated practice to make us happy people. It ushers us into the presence of God. As French philosopher Simone Weil noted: “Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.”2 It follows, then, that if we cannot pay attention, we cannot pray. Learn to fix your attention on the presence of God through the practice of gratitude. Slow down and savor the moments God gives and learn to turn those moments of beauty into delight and praise. In gratitude, we experience the presence of God with us. Enjoy him by enjoying his good gifts. Then, turn that delight into praise.

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Okay, so this title might be a bit exaggerated, but I can’t exaggerate enough how great this calendar app truly is. When my wife and I were in our pre-marriage counseling, the pastor told us that as we got more established and had kids our schedule would get crazy. He was the first person to recommend a shared calendar. He recommended an app called TimeTree. There are several reasons why this calendar app is amazing. One, it’s free with no needed subscriptions. In our world, this is unheard of, am I right? This was especially important when we were newlyweds because we didn’t have much extra to spend, especially on a calendar.

The Basics

Let's go ahead and knock out what this calendar does well. For starters, the app has an intuitive design that makes navigating your calendar very easy. You can even create multiple calendars to separate work and personal life; there is also a “masterview” to see all of your calendars at once. There is a nice color coding option for when you are adding events (my wife and I have a very simple code: pink are her things, and blue are my things). Also, when you are scheduling an event, you can easily add comments or a description.

Furthermore, you can add as many people as you would like to each calendar. And when you add something, everyone gets a notification. Each night, you receive a “glance at tomorrow” reminder; every morning, you get a “this is what your day looks like” reminder. This feature has saved my butt more than a few times!

Lastly, for each event, you can “invite” others on the calendar as an extra reminder. You can even attach pictures to events. I haven’t found a good use for this feature, but you may have the perfect one in mind. (If you do, please comment at the end of the article and let me know.)

More Than Just A Calendar

There are a lot of free calendar apps. You may be asking, why is this the best option? If you asked that question, 1) great question and 2) I have the answer for you! TimeTree is more than just a calendar app, so much more. Where this app levels up is the extra features.

Let's start with memos. In its primal form, this is just a shared, note-taking section. But it’s also so much more. Here are a few examples of how my wife and I use this feature. It has been extremely helpful. One, we use it to keep a running document with family addresses, especially those we may not always remember. Two, we have a shared grocery list. So, if one of us stops by Kroger on our way home, we don’t both accidentally buy half a gallon of milk. Three, we have a shared financial goals note, reminding us of of what we are saving for. Finally, we have a shared note for recipes, which we will randomly add throughout the week. 

But there’s more. The icing on the top is a little plus icon at the bottom of the screen. When you click this button you get a couple of options: you can create a normal calendar entry or you can create an entry with your camera. Say you are out somewhere and see a flyer or at church and see an announcement; you can quickly take out your phone and snap a picture (either on your phone or in TimeTree). Once you do, TimeTree will create a calendar entry based on the information in the picture. I was blown away when I realized this was an option!

Enough of me talking about it. Go give TimeTree a try!

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I could give you any number of shocking statistics about the decline of reading in American life. Even the most cursory Google search will reveal a stack of articles dealing with this problem. A Gallup poll (2021) found that U.S. adults averaged 12.6 books per year.1 The survey question, however, included books “read, either all or part of the way through” as well as audiobooks. Of these sparse dozen, how many books were actually read in their entirety with human eyes looking at the page?

Moreover, how many of these books were worth the weight of the paper that they were printed on? I have serious doubts that our numbers are so low because we are collectively tackling literary tomes; if the 12 books included War and Peace, Infinite Jest, or Don Quixote, the American reader not only gets a pass but also a pat on the back. I have a hunch, however, that a majority of the (possibly) half-read are self-help, chewy flash history, or steamy romances, bordering on the pornographic. I have doubts as to whether there is much meat on this sinewy 12-count.

I know many Christians, however, that defy this trend. They actively read scripture, books on spiritual formation, and any number of practical books, some of which promise increased (gulp) “workflows.” All this is well and good. We ought to be a reading people.

However, I’d like to argue that the average contemporary Christian reading diet is missing a key food group: literature. The Judeo-Christian tradition is home to some of the greatest literary artists in the Western canon: Dante, Milton, Cervantes, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, to name but a few.2 Yet, are modern Christians carrying this historical inheritance by reading and keeping the literary torch aflame?

While reading C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien is wonderful — I heartily encourage it— Christians ought to stretch beyond these into the wider world of literary fiction, a world which was deeply important to Lewis and Tolkien, who both were literature professors. A novel need not be didactic, orthodox, or explicitly Christian to provide an occasion for deep spiritual and intellectual growth.     

In this spirit, here are four reasons (by no means the only ones) why Christians ought to read literary novels.

I. Novels bring greater clarity to the shared human experience, which is full of messy desires and emotions.

Great novelists are students of human desire, giving voice to the nameless or obscure feelings that we encounter in relationships, society, and life. They put such experiences, in all their messiness, onto the page. For instance, in Moby Dick, Captain Ahab makes a famous, grandiose speech, declaring war against the White Whale and even God: “Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I’d strike the sun if it insulted me.” He bellows, “My vengeance will fetch a great premium here,” banging his chest in one of the great acts of megalomania in American literature.  

Ahab’s desire for vengeance is not contained to the Pequod; we too, when we read his mighty boast, feel that same allure of power: to be in control, to avenge our insults, to become arbitrators of the world. And yet the crewman Stubb replies, in one of my favorite lines in the novel, “methinks it [Ahab’s chest] rings most vast, but hollow!”

Or, consider another example. When the narrator in Norman Maclean’s novel A River Runs Through It struggles to help his brother, we feel this ache of inability. His father reflects, “We can seldom help anybody. Either we don’t know what part [of ourselves] to give or maybe we don’t like to give any part of ourselves. Then, more often than not, the part that is needed is not wanted.” In our own lives, we face a similar bewilderment: the desire to help but the sometimes frustrating inability to do so.

In countless cases, literature helps to unveil the desires of our hearts and the complexities of our situations. It gives voice to nameless longings, and when such longings find expression, we are then called upon to reject or accept their message. Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Novels, like still water, reflect our hearts back to us. By doing so, they keep us vigilant.  

II. Novels exercise our charity muscles.

Great novels often make despicable characters seem sympathetic. We know they are villains. We see the corruption. And yet, we still understand them, recognizing the ways in which they have abandoned virtue. Novelists often ask us to sympathize with the enemy, to extend the charity of understanding in our judgements.

In doing so, we flex the muscles of our charity. We practice the forbearance and kindness to which we will be called upon in daily life. If we can empathize with a suffering villain, we can practice the movements of love that address our neighbors and enemies.  

III. Novels cultivate wisdom.

The poetry of Proverbs repeatedly exhorts us to “get wisdom; get insight” (4:5). Wisdom is not mere technical knowledge. You are not wise because you know the quadratic formula. Nor is wisdom an accumulation of information.

Rather, wisdom is a sensitivity to how we, as humans, meaningfully and successfully relate to God, each other, and the world. Wisdom is a way of moving in the world. We can test out different ways ourselves, a costly endeavor that is bound by time and opportunity and consequence. Or, we can supplement our experience with the knowledge of others. We can see the way in which others move through the world, and our experience of their experience can deepen our wisdom.

IV. Novels are not about me.

Luther described our sinful condition as incurvatus in se, turned in on ourselves. In our age of media mirrors, we are constantly fed a diet of “ME.” Algorithms are designed feed the self, delivering things we like; people we like; and ideas we like. It’s all too easy — whether we spend much time online or not — to live in a kingdom of mirrors, consistently reflecting our gaze and attention.

Novels are not about us. While they expose our hearts in reflection, they also carry us outside of ourselves, directing us to a familiar yet different world. It’s no wonder that we often say things like, “I got pulled into that book and lost track of time.” Novels — I like to think — gently unfurl the self, a turning to others, even if those others are fictional.

Where to start? Consider this list of classics, compiled by Alex Gergely and myself: “‘The Classics’ Starter Pack”.

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I’ve had some great bosses in my career. Under their leadership, I’ve learned to care for a team, communicate and drive a shared vision, understand the financial impact of decisions, and other invaluable lessons. I’m thankful for how God placed these leaders in my life and how they’ve helped shape my leadership style. Now that I have the responsibility to set workplace culture, I often think about the lessons they taught me.

Anyone Can Influence Workplace Culture

Before talking about culture from a leadership position, I want to be clear that anyone can help set a healthy culture. Leaders, by the nature of their position, have this responsibility, but all of us can influence culture. Let’s take gossip as an example. If you gossip at work, you are adding to the problem, but if you redirect someone who is gossiping or change the subject to something productive, you’re helping to set a healthy culture. Anyone can do this.

The Leader’s Role in Setting Culture

Now, let’s look at how leaders have the responsibility to set culture, whether that “weight” is desired or not. If you hold a position of influence and don’t help set a healthy culture, there is a risk an unhealthy one will take over. For example, one of the unhealthy cultures I’ve been a part of maintained the default position that “everything is urgent.” In this setting, urgency defined every task, even when something wasn’t urgent. I work in healthcare, so there are absolutely time-sensitive needs, urgent situations, and even emergencies. For example, callouts require quick calls to cover shifts, especially during the current workforce shortage. I am not talking about those instances. I’m talking about the routine items that could wait until the next workday.

The Impact of After-Hours Communication

When you are a leader and send a late-night text asking a question that could wait until the next morning, you might be sending some inadvertent signals. An employee could think that you don’t value their time with family, that you expect them to work at night, or even that you are clearing your to-do list when the timing is convenient for you. These messages could slowly lead this employee to disengage at work and be less productive. Understandably, a spouse may eventually say something like, “I need you to be present.” Over time, this could lead the employee to start looking for another job. And to top it off, when there is a true emergency, this employee may not be as willing to drop everything on a Friday night since so many other nights have been “chipped away.”

How to Promote Work-Life Balance as a Leader

What can you do to promote a healthy balance if you are in a leadership role? It is absolutely your responsibility to set the culture, so work to set it in a way that honors the family. Instead of sharing your great ideas at night, set up regular meetings to communicate these ideas. Instead of texting a question, email it and let your employees know that you don’t expect them to respond to these night-emails until the next day. Side note: be careful about responding to emails at night because your team may think you expect immediate responses. If you are worried about forgetting, try creating a separate to-do list or scheduling your email to be sent in the morning.

Addressing Work-Life Balance with Your Boss

What can you do if your family time is being negatively impacted by work? Be open with your boss and ask if non-urgent items could be sent through email or saved until the next workday. Let them know that you love your family and that protecting time with them will help you become a better employee. Make sure they understand that you are more than willing to deal with urgent items whenever they arise (and they will arise).

Let’s Build a Family-First Culture Together

Let’s be a generation that sets a family-first culture and not just talk about it. I’m thankful for the many leaders I’ve had who helped me see how important this is for the health of families and organizations.

Some of you already know that I have whittled my life’s priorities down to 5 sections:

Faith, Family, Social, Work, Personal (in that order)

Thanks to the amazing and short book Do More Better by Tim Challies, I have defined these priorities and sought out the best tools to serve the main areas of life-data that we all encounter: Tasks, events, and information.

For years, I have searched for the best digital, task-planning tool. I think I’ve finally found it.

With this tool, I can not only quickly create daily tasks using keyboard shortcuts, but I can also visually sort tasks by life priorities, helping keep the most important things the most important things.

So, are you (like I was) on a quest to find the perfect daily planning and productivity app? One that stands out from the sea of options overwhelming us today? Let me introduce you to Sunsama—a game-changer in the world of digital planning. I've tested numerous productivity apps over the years, but Sunsama breaks new ground, offering a host of features that will elevate your daily planning to the next level.

Meet Sunsama

When it comes to staying organized, Sunsama provides a unique blend of task-management and scheduling tools. The planning screen is where your journey begins. By simply hitting the keyboard shortcut ‘P,’ you’re taken to a dynamic workspace. Here, you can see your calendar events and easily integrate tasks, prioritizing what's urgent today and postponing non-time-sensitive tasks for tomorrow or next week. The power of Sunsama lies in its ability to optimize your workload. The app estimates how long each task will take, giving you a predicted daily workload. With a few clicks, you can adjust your plans to avoid unrealistic expectations, a feature that has significantly boosted my productivity.

A Deeper Dive into Features

One of my favorite Sunsama features is the automatic scheduling. It’s like having a personal assistant that slots tasks into your schedule in a way that maximizes productivity. Simply hover over a task, and Sunsama will fit it into your day, using past behaviors and AI to make educated adjustments. However, its scheduling feature doesn’t merely handle task placement. If a task demands more time than anticipated, the app adeptly rearranges your day, potentially freeing up more time for a coffee break or a quick walk. You can also seamlessly share your daily agenda with colleagues through integrated tools like Microsoft Teams and Slack, enhancing collaboration and transparency with your peers.

Advanced Task Management

Sunsama’s utility extends beyond mere day-to-day planning. If you’re juggling multiple priorities—work, family, social commitments—you’ll appreciate the app's ability to categorize tasks effortlessly using keyboard shortcuts. This functionality allows you to manage and switch between tasks without losing momentum. Moreover, the app’s integration of productivity tools — such as the Pomodoro timer — ensures that you can chunk your work into focused periods, punctuated by moments of rest. This not only aids in concentration but also promotes balanced work habits.

More Than Just a Desktop Tool

While Sunsama shines brightest on a desktop, the mobile app is no slouch. It's incredibly handy for quick task entries when you're on the go. This integration ensures that when you’re back at your desk, your plans are up to date and comprehensive, ready for you to tackle the day with vigor and clarity.

Continuously Improving and Comprehensive

Perhaps what I find most appealing about Sunsama is its continuous development. The app developers are highly responsive, rolling out updates and new features regularly. The interface is sleek, intuitive, and designed for seamless navigation, ensuring that you’re never bogged down by unnecessary elements.

Final Thoughts

In summation, Sunsama is more than just another productivity app; it's a comprehensive tool designed to enhance your workflow without overcomplicating your processes. From its aesthetic appeal to its cutting-edge features, it’s no wonder I’ve fully integrated it into my daily routines. Whether you're a seasoned planner or someone just seeking better organization, Sunsama is worth exploring. Don't just take my word for it: try the free 30-day trial and witness firsthand how it transforms the way you plan your day. Dive in. Give it a whirl. And soon, you might just discover that Sunsama is the indispensable tool you never knew you needed.

Feel free to leave any questions in the comments, and I’ll be happy to assist.

Click here for a free 30 day trial of Sunsama on us.

This summer I joined a pickleball tournament with a collegiate athlete as my partner. Out of 10 teams, we placed…7th. We lost two games in a row only to beat my wife and her BFF in the consolation round! Just to clarify, it wasn’t Joe’s fault. He is at the pinnacle of his athleticism. It was the 41-year-old with sloth-like reflexes that seemed to hold us back. I am an average (or below average) pickleball player, and I am learning to be okay with that.

In my mind, I need to be great at everything. Jim Collin’s best-selling book, Good to Great, hit its popularity and influence in my formative years, and I wanted to hop aboard the train: A great husband, a great dad, a great pastor, a great friend, a great swimmer, a great leader, a great mountain biker; great at grilling, great at public speaking, and on and on it goes. This was not a desire for greatness on a large scale but a large-fish-in-a-small-pound kind of greatness.

Not only do I personally struggle with the desire for greatness, but society also screams that we and our kids need to be great (insert social media). From grass-fed, organic meals to fully-funded 529 accounts to elite travel sports teams to elaborate vacations to straight A’s, many of us feel the pressure for greatness in every aspect of our lives and the lives of those we love.

The 10,000 Hour Rule

Malcolm Gladwell asserts that the key to greatness is the “10,000 rule” – you become great at something once you have practiced it for a long time. Phenoms like Steph Curry, Bill Gates, Katie Ledecky, among others aren’t just “naturals”; they put in a lot of hard work. Because they hit their 10,000 hours quicker, they soared to the front of the pack. The road to greatness isn’t quick and easy. It comes with great cost.

So how long does it take to get to 10,000 hours? Well, that depends on how much time you’ve got! If you practice for 20 hours per week, it will take you 10 years to get “great” (That’s a lot of pickleball!).

It’s Simply Impossible to be Great at Everything

Here’s one key aspect of life that I often fail to remember: I am finite. Whether I like it or not, there are only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. I am bound by limits. It is simply impossible for me to be great at everything. I don’t have the time nor ability to get in the reps for expansive greatness. It’s a myth that I can be a great husband and a great dad and a great worker and a great [fill in the blank].

In my current role as a pastor, I leave the office every day with more tasks on my to-do lists, more care visits to make, and more ideas, dreams, and ministry initiatives to manage. I wrestle with myself every week to take a full day off. I think I could be an amazing pastor if I logged 70hrs this week and every week. I know if I worked a ton of overtime, I would be better. But I would be a lousy husband, dad, and friend. Eventually, I would be stressed to the max, and my physical and mental health would — no doubt — suffer. And, to be honest, none of that really sounds like a great pastor!

If greatness is achieved by putting in the hours, and I am a finite person bound by time, I have to decide what aspects of life I want to pursue.

Decent at Most Things…Great at Some Things

Jesus is my hero and the master of my life, and he has a whole lot to say about this. One of his phrases keeps popping into my mind:

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?

[Mark 8:36]

I like the idea of profit and gain! But what about forfeit? Everything about forfeit seems wrong; doesn’t it? To just give up—whether it’s a sporting event, our personal rights, or our possessions—seems backwards. Jesus is saying that we could gain so many things (or be great at so many things) and — at the same time — lose. Not just lose, but forfeit our very souls! The pursuit of greatness may come at a very high cost.

When we pursue greatness in one area, we inevitably choose to give up on another area—we give up time, relationships, resources, etc. Jesus is calling the listener to consider the cost. We could climb the ladder of success only to get to the top and realize that the ladder was leaning against the wrong building.

Jesus knows about greatness. He knows our limitations. And he certainly knows our deep-seated brokenness. It is possible to be great at the wrong things and forfeit the most important things. So, you have to decide what you are going to devote your time and effort to pursuing.  

How do I decide what areas of my life I should give the bulk of my time and attention? Great question. I’m glad you asked! In “Great to Good (Part 2)” I want to explore the allure of greatness as well as walk you through my top priorities in life.

To be continued…

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Recently, my wife and I found out that we are expecting our first child. With this news, we were filled with a lot of joy. At the same time, however, we had just as many questions as we did praises. For some context, my wife and I both work part-time, I have a small business where we photograph and film weddings, I am still in seminary, and we live in a one-bedroom apartment, so our biggest questions were finances and where we would be living once we have our child. This at first was somewhat overwhelming. We knew this was God’s timing yet there was still some doubt about how God would provide what we needed as there was no clear path to our next step.

Seeing God Move

If you are reading this and in a similar boat, I want you to know that God always cares for those who are His children. Jesus tells those gathered to hear the sermon on the mount in Matthew 6:30-33, “But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’… But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” If we had to choose a family verse, this one would be it. We have seen God move and work in so many ways.

To illustrate God’s faithfulness in our lives, I’ll share experiences from the past two years. In 2022, my wife and I graduated college and married two weeks later. Our initial plan was to immediately enter the mission field, but God had a different path in mind. Feeling called to further my education, we decided for me to pursue a Master of Divinity. Though unexpected, we trusted God’s plan, and He provided more than we needed and was faithful even when we were not.

Our journey led us to Cave Spring, Virginia, where we’ve found a loving church home that has nurtured both our marriage and faith. God provided an apartment and part-time jobs, allowing me to focus on school while having enough to provide for our family. We have been surrounded by incredible neighbors and friends, including a couple from Iran, who have joined our small group that meets in our apartment. We’ve hosted friends from so many different backgrounds, such as refugees from Sudan and friends from India. These experiences, unimaginable without trusting God’s timing, have deepened our faith and broadened our perspective on ministry to those around us. Seek first the kingdom of God and let God do the rest.

Trusting in God to Move

So, back to our current life situation. How can we be so confident in God to provide? How can we live a life that is as anxiety-free as possible? I am reminded of this passage in Philippians chapter 4, where Paul says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” And another in 1 Peter 5, “Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” We have already seen God move, and we read that we can trust in Him to move again. We have the Living Word that comforts us to know that no matter what is thrown at us in life, God is still the same loving Father who takes care of His children. It just might not be the way we had planned it.

What’s to Come

I hope that this has been as encouraging to you as it has been for me to write this out and reflect on how God has and will move in our lives. Trust in the Lord, pray at all times (in plenty and in want), and follow where He leads you with confidence and boldness.

It’s moving day! You’ve budgeted, you’ve planned, you’ve developed some calluses and cardboard cuts, and now the time has come. Here’s what you need to know: SLOW DOWN.

In the six weeks leading up to our most recent move, we had a calendar plotting out the details of EVERY DAY – when each room would get packed, when we would meet with certain people, a beach trip with grandparents, the hour the moving truck would arrive, etc. I called my brother during that window of time and asked for some advice. He had moved his family a few months prior, so his experience was fresh. After hearing my plan for packing up, getting the moving truck halfway across the country, unpacking it, organizing our new home within a few hours, and then returning to VA to quickly turn around with the whole family, he encouraged me to SLOW DOWN.

If you missed Part 1 of our series on moving - please check it out here.

Slow Down the Move Itself

I realize not everyone has the privilege of being able to slow down (our last major move involved frantically packing up our home into a few suitcases with a 3-month-old in tow to journey across several continents and six time zones as global travel ground to an abrupt halt over concerns for public health and safety. You might have heard about that sort of thing…). But as much as you’re able, slow down. Build at least one extra day into your moving schedule. Do some sightseeing along the way if your move involves a big road trip. Don’t exhaust yourself by just moving stuff. The moving process is much more than a logistical feat to get stuff from point A to point B. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational process. Make sure you eat regular meals, sleep 7+ hours at night, maintain spiritual rhythms, and keep up with exercise (usually not a problem when packing, but you should probably do some active stretching!). Spend some extra time with close friends and family amidst the chaos of the transition. Which leads me to the next point…

Ask for Help

Moving will force you to confront the popular Western, American myth of autonomous individualism. You are not an island. You are shockingly out of control of your life and future. So ask for some help! We had friends in our home constantly during the last few days of packing. Those were valuable moments of friendship and connection. I asked several guys to hop in the moving truck with me and help me settle into our apartment before my family arrived. We had grandparents come spend the first several weeks with us to help with childcare, errands, meals, cleaning, unpacking, and all the unexpectedness of a move. People want to be useful and will generally offer their help during a move. Accept their help!

Give and Receive Grace

Confession time: I am an angry, idealistic, selfish dad. Moving brought out of me what I fear is true of me all the time. I want people to live up to my high ideals, even when I don’t live up to them myself. I want time to pursue my interests, pleasures, and comforts. And if someone or something gets in my way, I get angry. Not righteous anger. Vengeful, spiteful, hate-filled anger. Just ask my toddlers… Or my wife… I remember one moment where I said something indirectly critical to my wife and immediately saw the negative effect on her. I tried to shrug it off as if I didn’t mean it critically towards her and move on. She (graciously) overlooked the offense. In the following minutes, I felt the conviction of the Spirit. “Samuel, you did mean that critically. You did intend to guilt-trip your wife.” Oof. Sometimes grace looks like choosing to overlook the wrong caused by another person. It also looks like going back and asking for forgiveness for something that should have been confessed in the moment. When we are honest about how we fail and ask for forgiveness, we enable the beauty of grace to be displayed in our relationships. There will be plenty of moments for giving and receiving grace during the move, which can be incredibly difficult, and incredibly beautiful.

The Source of Grace

In John 15, Jesus famously said, “…love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (vv 12-13). Jesus’ love for us resources our ability to love one another–even to the point of giving one’s life for another. To this point in my life, this has looked like the death of a million paper cuts rather than a moment of conspicuous bravery or self-sacrifice. During the move, this was certainly the case. While I feel a responsibility to protect my family and give my life for them if necessary, laying down my life often looks more like wiping a poopy diaper than taking a bullet to the chest. Forgive the visceral comparison, but you might know the feeling. That thing you least want to do for someone else, that person you have the hardest time loving, the time of the day you are at your most irritable, is the exact location for God’s redemptive activity in you. God is inviting you to look more like His Son, Jesus Christ, in those little deaths and resurrections (John 12:24). How? The answer might surprise you. It’s not with a stiff upper lip, a steel resolve, or stubborn duty. Jesus invites us to abide with Him (John 15:4-5). Through abiding, we are transformed into the kind of men who readily give their lives for others. The inverse is also true. Apart from abiding with Jesus, we can do nothing (John 15:5). So abide in Christ during your move. When everything else is in transition, stay connected to the vine. Slow down and see him work in you and through you. He is your life. He loves to revive from a million deaths.

Ten years ago, my dad died fairly young after a short bout with cancer. He was 65, and I was 35. My wife Amanda and I were just starting a family with our second child born months before my dad got sick. With a marriage in the “young family years,” I had just lost one of the most important people in my life. Questions flooded my mind. Who would I call for help when I had a home project I couldn’t figure out? Who would give non-biased career advice? Who would help center me when I was thinking irrationally or emotionally?

Finding Stability

Over the past ten years, I have leaned deeper into my faith, confided in my wife, and utilized YouTube tutorials to find answers to most of those questions I called my dad for. Thankfully, my parents always pointed me toward Jesus and His sweet promises, which provided a constant source of wisdom through His Word and a central stabilizing force in my life.

The Efficiency of My Parents’ Marriage

When I reflect on their marriage, there are many reasons it was successful, including a shared faith, focus on family, and conservative spending. But the one that I’d like to dig into today is how they worked together; their marriage was efficient. Ask my wife and my team at work, and they will all say that I value efficiency, sometimes to a fault and sometimes even in a sinful way. But in its purest form, I think efficiency is life-giving.

What Does It Mean to Have an Efficient Marriage?

Simply put, it means working together as a couple to get the work done so you can enjoy the time left over. In the 35 years before my dad passed, I witnessed my parents live this out in a very real way. They helped one another out, even if the work was typically assigned to a certain gender. Dad would wash dishes and do laundry; Mom would help in the yard and work on home repair projects. They didn’t have these rules of what they would or wouldn’t do around the house; they just got it done. There wasn’t a lot of wasted time in our house discussing or arguing over responsibilities, and until I was older, I didn’t realize this was unique.

The Irony and Struggle

Here is the ironic part of this story: as much as I love efficiency and had parents that modeled it in a healthy way, I often fail at being efficient at home and spend precious time assessing what is “fair” instead of just getting it done. So why would I write about it? Because I believe it’s the best way for families to spend more time together. When a husband and wife complement one another rather than contradict one another, life should be more efficient and peaceful, and I’m always seeking more peace.

Let Me Leave You With This

Go crush those household responsibilities with your wife so you can enjoy more of God’s creation as seen in your family and the beautiful world around you!

As a dad, it can be challenging to step back from your phone and be present with your family. Many of us are looking for ways to reduce our screen time, and it’s more important than ever. Studies show how much kids and family members are affected by our screen usage. Today, my goal is to help you reduce your screen time and give you some tips on how to put the phone away when it matters.

Deleting Unnecessary Apps

One of the first steps to reducing screen time is deleting unnecessary apps from your phone. If you’re on a digital minimalism kick or just interested in cutting down your screen time, this is a common recommendation. However, you can keep some apps as long as they don’t have an endless scrolling feature.

Endless scrolling

Endless scrolling refers to apps like social media, YouTube, and news sites where there’s always more content at the bottom. These apps can consume significant time without you realizing it. Take a moment to review all the apps on your phone and remove those that provide this feature. Even apps like Amazon can be culprits. While you can access them on other devices like your laptop or tablet, removing them from your phone is a good first step.

Games

Games can also be a big distraction. As an avid video game player, I know how tempting it is to see what’s next, but this takes time away from your family. Remove games from your phone, even simple ones like tower defense games.

Streaming Services

Streaming services are another major time sink. As a movie lover, I always want to finish what I started. However, there’s no need to have streaming services on your phone. You can watch those 20 minutes of “Bridgerton” or “The Witcher” later. The only streaming service I keep on my phone is Disney+ for “Bluey,” which can entertain my child when needed.

Managing Notifications

Another effective way to reduce screen time is by managing notifications. While turning off all notifications can be effective, it’s not practical for dads. Essential apps like doorbell cameras, daycare, or school notifications need to stay active.

However, many apps send notifications just to get your attention. Turn off notifications for these non-essential apps. Use a notification summary or schedule a summary at the end of the day for non-essential notifications. Allow notifications for texts, calls, and essential apps, but disable the rest. This will help reduce distractions and keep you focused on your family.

Utilizing Screen Time Features

If you’re using an iPhone, take advantage of the built-in Screen Time app. This app can show you how long you’ve been spending on your phone and help you set limits. The average user spends about 4.5 hours on their phone per day, which adds up to years of your life wasted.

Screen Time allows you to block or limit certain apps throughout the day. For example, I’ve limited Disney+ and YouTube to one hour a day on my phone. While you can still access these apps on other devices, the goal is to reduce your phone usage. Limiting your most-used apps and setting boundaries on when you can be contacted is essential.

I used to have my work email on my phone, but I limited it to one hour a day and one minute on weekends because there’s no reason to check work email on the weekend. Setting boundaries with your employer for work-life balance is important.

Conclusion

I hope these tips help you reduce your screen time and spend more quality time with your family. There are many other apps and tips out there to help you achieve this goal. Not everything I mentioned will work for everyone, but I hope it inspires you to put down your phone more often and be present with your loved ones.

I have created the #dadlife Spotify playlist to help me be a better dad. I listen to it in the car or when I’m cutting the grass to remind me about what’s important in my life. Of course, there are some solid country songs like “Love Without End” by George Strait, “Drive” by Alan Jackson, and “He Didn’t Have to Be” by Brad Paisley, as well as some classics like “Father and Son” by Cat Stevens and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

But one that gets me every time is Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle,” which chronicles the haunting story of a childhood with an absent father. It’s not an angry, accusatory song; actually, it’s just the opposite. It’s a catchy song filled with a desire to be together, with the child proclaiming,

I’m going to be like him.

As the son grows into a man, the roles reverse, and the aging father longs to be with his son who is just too busy. The father concludes in the last verse,

He’d grown up just like me. My boy was just like me.

[insert man-size tears]

These songs strike a chord deep in the soul. Our children have a desire to be with their moms and dads. Throwing a baseball, learning to drive, dancing on top of a father’s toes—these are all heartfelt expressions of being with the ones they love! It seems so simple, and yet connecting with our children can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting.

In today’s hurried culture, parents spend very little time with their children compared to previous generations. While children and families today have a myriad of wonderful resources and opportunities for growth and development, these activities can create a busyness that impacts parents’ ability to simply be with their children.

There is an age-old debate about quality time vs. quantity time. With children, I think you need both! I have found this to be true with my kids; to get any quality time, I need to spend a lot of time with them. The best conversations seem to come after an hour of Lego building, an evening of catching blue crabs with raw chicken legs, or drives on the Blue Ridge Parkway with a Chick-Fil-A milkshake.

My Christian faith has shaped much of who I am as a person and a father. Jesus has transformed the world (and my life), and he did so by coming to be with his people—theologians call this the incarnation. The incarnation of Jesus demonstrates God’s redemptive love for his world by stepping into our lives. Danny Akin writes about the significance of “incarnational parenting” in raising a family, modeled after Jesus’ example. Akin states,

He [Jesus] came into our world, got down on our level, and revealed to us the grace and love of a heavenly Father. Our incarnational love for our children models God’s love and communicates our love for them. It puts action to our words.

I will be most able to transform my kids’ lives when I spend time with them. Verbal instruction will ring true behind a lifetime of example.

Here are a few of our family’s mottos:

Do Less So That You Can Do More.

You’ve got to cut something out of your schedule so that you can hang with your crew. Sometimes you have to say “no” to some quality activities to make space for family time.

Prioritize Blank Space in the Calendar.

When we have a free day in our schedule, we do our best to keep it open to ensure we have free, unstructured time as a family. Quantity leads to quality!

Small Wins are Still Wins.

Today’s culture would lead us to believe that trips to Disney, buying a boat, or indulging every childhood whim is the standard of being a good provider. Let me encourage you to pursue a relationship through everyday small decisions—wrestling on the basement floor, cuddling up for movie nights, Saturday morning breakfasts. Adding “money” to their memory banks will provide your kids with secure and stable parental relationships—one of the best things you could ever hope to give them! Start slow—maybe a family game night or a sit-down meal once a week. Pace yourself, bro!

A Final Word…

There are many moments around our house where I am tempted to seek my comfort above family engagement—it’s easy to veg out watching Instagram reels and YouTube videos. I feel the constant struggle to disengage, thinking that is what will bring rest and comfort. But the never-ending reels cannot replace the deep and meaningful relationship that a dad has with his children. Rather, a thousand sacrifices and small decisions can make a lifetime impact on our children.

It was a typical Saturday. My wife, Maria, and I, along with our two kids, Lina and Joel, were enjoying some family time in the playroom and the living room. I noticed that Maria and I were both on our phones scrolling while the kids played. This is something we’ve been continuously working on improving, and many times failing at.

There’s no shortage of articles and information online about the effects of our phone use on our kids. Even infants can sense when our attention isn’t fully on them, and our young children, Lina, who is almost four, and Joel, at 15 months, definitely notice. They see us on our phones all the time, and I can only imagine how highly they must think we regard our phones - because in actuality we do.

As the kids started to get bored with their current activities, I realized something I’d never thought before:

As you know, the entertainment our smartphones provide gives us dopamine hits, keeping us entertained in any situation while our kids are left enjoying whatever they/we can conjure up when playing.

Recently, it’s been so hot outside that we haven’t been able to play outdoors much, leading to a bit of cabin fever. My wife and I can easily escape this boredom with a quick swipe on our phones, but our kids can’t.

This disparity isn’t fair to them.

Reflecting on Our Own Habits

Another idea came to me in that moment as the Saturday morning dwindled into tantrums and grumpy refusals of fruits and veggies during lunch: if my wife and I deprived ourselves of that instant gratification from our phones during downtime with the kids, I wonder if we would become more proactive and creative in finding things to do together as a family. We’d be bored too, and naturally, we’d look for fun activities that involve everyone.

Exploring Digital Minimalism

The trendy term for beginning to walk away from all these digital distractions that surround us is digital minimalism. Now, if you’ve never taken steps toward digital minimalism, it’s hard to dive into. Patterns and habits with our tech have been built up over the years as devices and social media channels have developed and grown into our every waking hour. It requires a conscious effort to evaluate our digital habits and make deliberate choices about how we use technology.

Introducing Dumb Phones into the Mix

This brings me to the idea of “dumb phones.” Dumb phones have been on my radar for quite some time and the industry is actually somewhat booming as more and more consumers realize being all but physically attached to our phones isn’t always the best thing for us. However, it’s not always practical to put our smartphones away completely, especially with the demands of parenting, work, and staying connected with friends and family. However, gradually building up to more intentional phone use is a step in the right direction. One way I am curious to explore this is by using a dumb phone.

There are a couple of dumb phones I’m excited about. One is the Wisephone 2 by Techless, and another is the Light Phone 3 by The Light Company. These companies are creating devices that aim to give us back our time and help us be more intentional with it, rather than being constantly obsessed and addicted to our smartphones. We can use these phones on nights or weekends, or take the plunge and go full out and ditch the smartphone - again, easier said than done depending on the tools you actually need for life and work.

What Exactly Is A Dumb Phone?

Dumb phones are designed to provide only the essential functions: calling, texting, and perhaps a few basic utilities like a calculator or flashlight. By stripping away the endless apps and notifications, these phones help us break free from the constant barrage of digital stimuli. This can lead to more mindful and focused living. With a dumb phone, we are less likely to get sucked into the vortex of social media, games, or news feeds. Instead, we can be more present in the moment and engage more deeply with our surroundings and loved ones, while being able to stay in contact with those who are important to us.

For many of us, the idea of giving up our smartphones cold turkey can be daunting. A gradual transition might be more manageable. We can start by setting specific times of the day when we use our dumb phones instead of our smartphones. For example, during family time in the evenings or on weekends, we could switch to our dumb phones. Over time, as we become more accustomed to this practice, we might find that we don’t miss our smartphones as much as we thought we would.

Building a Support System

It’s also important to build a support system. Share your intentions with friends and family and encourage them to join you in this journey. Having a community of like-minded individuals can provide motivation and accountability. You can share tips, challenges, and successes, making the process more enjoyable and less isolating. It’s also a good thing to let friends and family know it may be a bit harder to reach you and you may not be able to reply to that instagram story or facebook message as quickly as you usually do.

Conclusion: A More Intentional Life

In conclusion, by acknowledging the impact our phone use has on our children (and ourselves) and making a conscious effort to limit it, we can create a more engaging and connected family environment. Exploring options like dumb phones to bridge the gap between obsessive smartphone usage and no phone whatsoever could be a step towards achieving a more balanced and intentional life, both for ourselves and for our kids. It’s about reclaiming our time and attention, focusing on what truly matters, and setting a positive example for our children. By doing so, we not only improve our own well-being but also nurture a healthier, more connected family life.

Join me in finding ways to strive to be more mindful and intentional, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of our children and our walk with God.

So you’re moving. Or thinking about moving. Or you want to help a close friend or family member move. Well, I’m glad you’re here! If you’re like me, the moving process is just that–a process. There are a variety of stages and emotions in the moving process, and like grief, they are rarely linear. Our family just experienced a significant change from living in rural-suburban Southwest Virginia to urban Chicago, from completing graduate studies and residency work to full-time pastoral ministry, from a spacious brick ranch to a compact four-unit condo. Change is involved in any move.

Before we knew the details of our move, I experienced an unsettledness. I would describe it as vocational aspiration or even discontent. While contentment is a mark of increasing godliness–Paul encourages us to be content in all circumstances (Phil 4:11-13)–not all discontentment is wrong. I think there are times when the Holy Spirit stirs us to desire God more, which might lead us towards a job, career, or geographic change. I say that carefully as there are often mixed motives and less than honorable means we employ for our own advancement, reputation, or success. Making a healthy move requires a humble dependence on God. But let’s say God is leading you to make a change (perhaps we’ll talk about discerning God’s voice/will in a future article), and it’s time to move! While this won’t be comprehensive, I want to share some lessons learned from our experience that I hope will help you through yours! In reflecting on our recent experience, I think it’s helpful to think about three different periods of the move–before, during, and after. This introductory post will focus on the before-times, with parts 2-3 to follow.

Before the Move (Pt. 1)

Before you move, there is more to prepare than simply decluttering and organizing your home, renting a truck, or hiring movers, etc. Moving is an emotional and spiritual process as much as it is physical, so I’d like to focus on these former aspects rather than the latter.

Pray

More than six months before we moved, we asked a group of friends to pray for us, as well as committing to regular personal and family prayer. Through prayer, God prepared us for the many phases of the move. By keeping track of our prayers, we were able to see God work to answer our prayers. I cannot overemphasize this aspect of the preparation process as God deepened our trust in Him and demonstrated His continued faithfulness in our lives.

Read/Learn

Some of our friends thoughtfully gave our girls age-appropriate books about Chicago. Reading these together as part of our bedtime routine helped our daughters imagine their new life and home. We saw their curiosity grow and excitement build as they processed the move in their own ways. Moving to Chicago, the shiny bean, zoo, and “lake-beach” were frequent topics of discussion. My wife and I did our own research into our new home. Finding books, articles, restaurant recommendations (a must), YouTube channels, podcasts, and more helped us learn about our new place and the people who live there. This process grew our excitement for the move but also helped us develop realistic expectations and grapple with the challenges of our soon-to-be home.

Take a Vision Trip / Short Visit

Over the year leading up to our move, we were able to take a few short vision trips to the city. This helped us better envision our future life in the city as we experienced it through our five senses. We were also able to pray on-site with insight. We took our oldest on our last visit, which helped her prepare for the move as well. She got to visit her future school, go to church, eat pie at a local restaurant within walking distance of our condo, walk through her new home, and meet some new friends. She became an apologist for our move because she became a partner in the vision. (That could be its own topic. Include your children in your move and the reasons for it. Cast vision for how God is leading your family and what their role in it looks like. Comment below if you’d be interested in more thoughts on what this could look like.)

Plan Good Goodbyes

One of the hardest parts of moving is saying goodbye. If you’ve lived somewhere for any length of time, I hope you have invested in the hard work of building deep relationships. Friendship is a divine gift. Begin by thanking God for the friendships He has given you and asking Him for divine appointments as you move. Be intentional with how you want to say goodbye to close friends and family. Don’t neglect these moments, suppress the sorrow, or minimize the significance of this transition. Memorialize significant people and places before you leave. Make plans for how relationships will look after you move. Take small mementos to remind you of important places, experiences, or people in a small memory box. Lastly, as you pray, ask God to reveal where you might be harboring any resentment or bitterness towards anyone. Before you move, seek reconciliation with that person if possible.

Thanks for reading! What resonated with you from our experience? What do you wish had been covered but wasn’t? Be on the lookout for part 2 next week–During the Move.

Family vacation is this once in a year, special time where we step away from normal routines (school, work, household responsibilities) and spend quality time together in a different setting. We want our children and wives to look back fondly on those memories for the rest of their lives. I don’t know about you, but several of my prior family vacations didn’t exactly feel that way. We see these perfect photos on social media from other families having the time of their life at the beach, Disney (seriously – how are they going to Disney again?), or some picturesque resort and it leaves us longing for more. This ‘vacation’ is literally the same mess I deal with every day at home – what is this?

When sharing frustrations about family vacation two years ago – a friend shared an article with me from 2008 by C.J. Mahaney that is potentially more true today than when it was written. I wanted to summarize a few high points from the article, and encourage you to read the entire thing.

Servant Heart

We often expect vacation to be a relaxing time away from work to mentally check out and rest for the physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Instead – family vacations are a special chance to lead, serve, and work in a different, potentially more strenuous way than the work week. God has called husbands to lead and serve their families. The disposition of the father sets the tone for the family vacation – and serving with joy, not out obedience or obligation. This opportunity comes infrequently and memory-making vacations do not happen by accident. I encourage you to approach your vacations with a servant’s heart, seeking to glorify God through loving and pouring grace over your family.

Pastor and theologian J.D. Greear mentioned in 12 Truths and A Lie how he reframed ‘vacation’ in his mind to ‘family time’. If he goes in seeking the well-being and to serve his family, it is a lot more pleasurable than if you expected to sit there and mentally check out for a week.

Tone Setting Attitude

The sinful attitude of a father cannot be overcome by any ‘perfect’ vacation destination. Despite Disney World, Fiji, or that picture perfect mountain house-children’s memories are primarily shaped by the father’s disposition, positive or negative. The focus of our attitude and disposition should begin at the foot of the cross. We are hopeless sinners without the Gospel and the grace of the Lord should overflow in our lives. Vacations are an opportunity to reflect on the evidence of grace in our life and blessings God has given us! He has saved us from sin and death, and given us this wonderful family. Let your family see your gratefulness on vacation and pour out appreciation and affection on your children. To mature spiritually is always to begin again and start with the Gospel. Let the Gospel set your attitude for your vacation.

An Awareness of Indwelling Sin

You would hope that being on vacation would make all of your normal sin patterns/tendencies go away – but it may only magnify them. “We are deceived if we think that a mere change in location or finding an idyllic setting will somehow suspend the active nature of sin.” Sin can be intent on ruining your vacation. If you do not mentally prepare for temptation and sin, you and your family could potentially be more prone to sin on the vacation.

Make a gameplan and think about where and how you may be tempted to sin. Ask your spouse about things she has noticed in family life or on prior vacations to help you grow in awareness of these patterns. Prepare your wife and children for their temptations. particularly children’s tendencies to be selfish and complain. Help them to be grateful and root them in scripture in the month leading up to vacation.

Gratefulness to God

Family vacations are a wonderful opportunity to express gratefulness to God for his blessings. It can start with gratefulness in terms of ‘thank you God for allowing me to experience this’. But it can go further in adoring, worshiping God. Think about God’s character and how he created these experiences for you to enjoy. For example – thank God for creating the beach and the beauty that it displays. Praise God for how he gave humans the creativity to think of Boogie Boarding – and how that displays an aspect of his character. He wants to laugh and enjoy life and that is a foretaste of eternity worshiping Him.

Conclusion

I have started reading this article annually about one month prior to my vacation. I will take a section every 2-3 days and ponder on what this looks like in our family dynamic. The Lord is so good and has blessed us tremendously to even take a family vacation. Lead your family well by spiritually and mentally preparing for this unique opportunity. You should be more exhausted after each day on vacation than after a hard day at work. Praise God for family vacations. Go lead well!

I want to touch on a topic that hits close to home for me: why I believe men need reminders to care. Through sharing my experiences and insights, I hope to spark a conversation about this potentially universal struggle. Whether you’re a father, or if you’re a wife or girlfriend observing this in your significant other, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

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Understanding Work and Family Balance

In my experience, men often have a lot of ambition when it comes to working. This drive, I believe, stems from our very creation story. Therefore, I believe work itself isn’t the problem. The problem arises when men, myself included, don’t naturally think about the inner workings of our families as often as we should. This can sometimes be attributed to our personality or natural tendencies to provide. It feels almost as if I have to remind myself to care about the equally important things, like family dynamics and household responsibilities.

Balancing Priorities

One major realization for me personally is how easy it is to lose sight of what’s important. My wife, Maria, has often pointed out that she wishes I’d think more about family matters. While I deeply care about my family, I tend to focus heavily on work, feeling the responsibility to provide, especially since my job has the potential for financial growth. Meanwhile, Maria, as a teacher, doesn’t have the same financial flexibility.

I’ve found that when I’m not in a balanced state, my priorities get twisted. My usual priority order of faith, family, social, work, and personal often becomes personal, work, social, family, then faith. This disorder not only affects me but also my relationships with those I care about the most.

Implementing Practical Strategies

To counteract this imbalance, I’ve started implementing practical strategies to remind myself of what’s truly important. Every morning, I have a daily check-in, which I’ve tailored to prioritize my faith and family before diving into work. This checklist begins with faith-based activities, like devotionals and meditations, then family tasks, followed by social connections, work planning, and finally personal projects.

Moreover, Maria and I have established a weekly check-in routine every Sunday night. During this time, we review the past week, assess our hearts’ conditions, and plan for the upcoming week. This includes everything from meal prep and household chores to checking in with each other’s spiritual walk.

Weekly Planning and Reflection

These small, consistent reminders have been crucial for maintaining balance. During our Sunday night check-ins, we talk about how we can better serve each other.

This practice not only organizes our week but also reinforces the rhythm that helps keep the most important things, the most important things. It’s natural to fall into selfish patterns where work and personal interests come first, but these reminders help reorient me towards family and faith.

Concluding Thoughts

So, those are my thoughts on why men might need reminders to care. If you’re a man reading this, I’d love to hear if you struggle with the same issues, or if you’ve mastered this balance—call me out, I need it! Iron sharpens iron, as they say.

It’s so easy to place work and day-to-day activities above family and faith, but recognizing this struggle and actively working to address it is key. I’d love for this to be a discussion rather than a monologue, so please share your thoughts in the comments below. If you enjoyed this post, consider subscribing to On Living Well and liking this article. Let’s keep this conversation going and work together on living well.